Ok so let’s get back to talking
about this job seeking lark which is the latest hobby that I’m struggling to
really fully get into, following hot on the heels of jogging, dating and playing
Call Of Duty online.
I’ve had two interviews in the
past week, both for Recruitment Consultancy positions. One for Experis who were so nice I wanted to
invite them home for tea, so not much comedy value there. Instead I’ll turn my attention towards the interview
I had with G2V, a company who sound like they stole their name from a rejected ideas list of potential Citroen models. The
interview lasted barely over 5 minutes during which time I ascertained that I
wouldn’t want to work for them even if they paid me, which they probably would
have had I passed the interview, which I rather suspect I didn’t.
I’m not sure what more ‘Ken’ (a
name which will surely soon become extinct because it’s so utterly shit)
expected, the only question he asked was ‘Why do you want to be a Recruitment
Consultant?’ and I didn’t laugh out loud or call him a dick and say nobody WANTS
to be a Recruitment Consultant but instead gave what I thought was a pretty reasonable
run down of why I would be good at the job and why I wanted the job.
The whole thing reminded me of a
similar interview I had when I was younger and was told that despite having a
degree in Writing I couldn’t be a journalist because I ‘hadn’t committed to journalism
since the age of ten’.
I’m not sure at what point as a
race our dreams and aspirations for our children went from being an astronaut
or a spy to being a Recruitment Consultant or a Journalist but I’m pretty sure
whenever it was it was around the same time that I stopped taking any genuine
interest in the world. Probably about
Actually I blame NASA. They seem to have escaped relatively
unscathed as a target for all the world’s ills. In the 50s and 60s TV shows,
books and films were full of excitement that we could meet aliens from other
worlds which would thereby render the jobs we were all currently doing on Earth
ultimately meaningless and of secondary importance as we would all soon have a
greater purpose. Maybe Superman was on
Earth! Maybe we’d have contact with Martians
or Venusians by the end of the 20th century! Maybe the technology we’d gain from them
would mean we’d all get to go in a starship and explore the galaxy! Even when I was a kid I dreamed of piloting a
spaceship, meeting alien life forms and then either killing them or having sex
with them depending on my mood.
Then NASA sent
probes to the planets in our solar system and much further into space and we
realised that Mars and Venus are barren and actually we’re alone and it
increasingly looks like we’re the only life for such an incomprehensibly long
way that the sun will die before we are ever capable of generating the technology
to reach the nearest planet that MIGHT have life and even then it would take longer
than our lifespan to get there.
And so we all collectively sighed
and went ‘I’ll never be Captain Kirk.
Fuck it I may as well be a Recruitment Consultant instead’.
Of course expanding upon this
theory in my interview with Ken was probably ill advised. But he did ask about my hopes for the future
and where I wanted to be in ten year's time. And my answer did successfully show my ambition
and drive while also highlighting my weaknesses (mainly Megalomania and what someone once catchily termed my ‘inexplicable inability to deal with reality’).
All I can suggest is that others
learn from my mistakes and the next time a ten year old tells you they want to
be a superhero or a video game character simply show them the available jobs in
your area on Monster, make them choose one and then burn all their toys. When they cry just think of their tears as
droplets of happiness washing their delusions away. Bingo! You’ll have helped to create a fully
functioning member of society rather than someone who has nothing better
to do than write a blog.